After my mother went missing, I was terrified to walk in the woods for years, fearing I might discover her body despite the extensive volunteer searches and police investigations. Dark Matter is what emerged when the answers became elusive. This deeply personal photo-documentary project explores the 2014 disappearance of my mother, Tammy Kingery, and the psychological aftermath that still lives within me. I step into the void, where my dreams blur reality and time, and I search for the truth buried beneath fragmented memory and sorrow.
In these dreams, I often find her. For a fleeting moment, relief washes over me, replacing the emptiness that has grown into the darkest parts of my subconscious. I stand face-to-face with her soul, feeling as if I’m on the cusp of understanding— but the truth dissolves right in front of me before I get a chance to see. I open my eyes, and I’m thrust into yet another perpetual cycle of grief as I lay in bed, knowing that one day I would have to wake up and find the rest of her.
What follows is a dance between knowing and not knowing, wrestling with the profound mystery of existence itself. This book weaves together contemporary photography, archival images, and personal documents, constructing a surreal and emotional narrative that grapples with loss, unresolved trauma, and the desire to understand what can never be fully known.
Much like the universe, where dark matter’s invisible yet powerful force influences what we can observe– the hidden aspects of a person’s mind are central to this search for understanding. Dark matter becomes a metaphor for the subconscious– the elusive force that shapes our dreams, decisions, identity, grief, and emotional landscapes.
My dreams serve as a form of communication, a conversation between the conscious and unconscious, mirroring my mind’s attempt to process the trauma of her disappearance. These recurring dreams become psychological landscapes where I search for a connection in a world where answers are elusive. More than a documentation of loss, Dark Matter raises existential questions about our struggle to understand the inner worlds of those we love and wondering how much of another person can ever truly be known. It explores how absence shapes identity and the ways our minds create meaning from the unknown.
Ultimately, Dark Matter stands as both a personal catharsis and a philosophical investigation into the nature of being, the unseen forces that define us, and the answers that lay just beyond our reach. The truth behind my mother’s disappearance may forever remain unknown, continuing to shape my life in ways I still cannot fully grasp. This book is a doorway into the mysteries within us, the inner worlds of the ones we love, and the search for connection in a universe that’s indifferent to human suffering.
